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adrenaline junkie

I'm feeling more like myself today. I started out kind of down (this incredibly gloomy, chilly day didn't help), but then got hit with a bit of anxiety that actually snapped me out of the funk. I never thought I'd welcome anxiety, but when given the choice between that and the downward stare of despair, I say bring on the excess adrenaline!

Nothing about this has been even remotely what I expected. Being a smoker makes you very familiar with the symptoms of withdrawal because you experience them frequently (for short periods of time). So I naturally assumed that quitting would mean I'd be dealing with what I already know, just on a grander scale. I was wrong. So wrong. Couldn't have been more wrong.

They say what happens when you quit smoking is different for everyone. Well, for me it seems to be all about dealing with my head — the anxiety/depression roller coaster, the loss of a sense of self, and the inability to write or do anything that requires more than three minutes of focus. What about this post? You wrote that. Yeah, but I started it hours ago and have been continually distracted by snow globes and vibrating cell phones.

Six days. No fate.


( 15 comments — Add a comment )
Oct. 12th, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
You can do it! Hang in there. You are badass. I give you badass Lena for inspiration.
Oct. 13th, 2009 10:05 am (UTC)
Thank you much. Sarah Connor is always good for inspiration :)
Oct. 12th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
Congratulations! I've been following your posts, and I'm happy you made it to six days.

I smoked a pack and a half a day through college and a little after, and I think I only successfully quit because of external crutches. (Mostly, pregnancy.) I think one of the hardest things in the world to do is deal with addiction when your life remains otherwise the same. It's a part of your routine, and you're always aware it's not there when you stop. Is there any way you can start a new hobbie or make some sort of change you can put your energies into?
Oct. 14th, 2009 08:00 am (UTC)
Thank you :)

I don't think I'd call pregnancy a crutch — motivator sure, but certainly not a crutch. Regardless, you did it. And hey, now me too! My routine is definitely out of whack. I think the morning is the hardest but, I'm getting better at not feeling so lost when I have my coffee. I really feel like I'm slowly retraining myself.
Oct. 12th, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
That's right no fate! Hang in there, Roxy. I'm an ex-smoker also. It was tough to quit, but also the best thing I ever did for myself. It's good to be free of the addition, not to mention the money you save. I generally smoked a pack a day. Sometimes one & a half. Yikes.
Oct. 14th, 2009 07:49 am (UTC)
It's nice to hear from an ex-smoker. I don't know how long it's been since you quit, but congratulations to you for succeeding.

Pack and a half a day at least for me. I've thought about quitting almost daily for years and just kept putting it out of my mind because I couldn't even imagine doing it. I'm glad I finally just went for it without planning it. I don't think it would've worked otherwise. And as hard as this has been, I know I'm not going back.
Oct. 13th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
You're the shit, Roxy, strong and inspired by Sarah, you'll pull through and conquer.

Excited for you starting down a new path. Be well :)
Oct. 14th, 2009 07:43 am (UTC)
Thank you for the morale boost. This has been a interesting but difficult experience and I'm not giving up!
Oct. 13th, 2009 04:54 am (UTC)
I don't think you have the slightest idea who I am, but add me to mass of people rooting for you to get through this.
Oct. 13th, 2009 10:18 am (UTC)
Aw thanks. I appreciate it :)
It's been a while since I had any TSCC discussion going here, but I certainly remember you.
Oct. 13th, 2009 06:58 am (UTC)
Put all the money you're saving in a pot and treat yourself and The Man to something gorgeous... or outrageously indulgent... or the next time something of Sarah's ends up on Ebay, well there ya go ;-)
Oct. 14th, 2009 07:37 am (UTC)
<-- Will you find whoever won this jacket on ebay and steal it for me?
Oct. 14th, 2009 05:26 pm (UTC)
*LOL* But of course!

Actually, probably not, cos my detecting skills are shit... but you know I really really would if I could. Hmmm, y'know, that jacket on yer icon was butt-ugly! I thought it was the one from the Pilot they had for auction which was very very yummy...
Oct. 13th, 2009 08:23 am (UTC)
You can beat it. You're making progress. Stay tough and show 'em what you're made of.
Oct. 14th, 2009 07:39 am (UTC)
I'm really doing it, aren't I? It's pretty awesome, even though I feel like shit.
( 15 comments — Add a comment )


roxy burglar
Roxy Bisquaint

Roxy Bisquaint...

Is self-indulgent. Over thinks everything. Tweets too much. Looks really good in these jeans. Wants to eat butterscotch. Makes herself laugh. Obsesses about aging. Does some crunches. Lives with two ghosts. Procrastinates daily. Measures once, cuts twice. Hates Foo Fighters. Drinks lots of coffee (keep it coming). Puts spiders outside. Brings balance to the force. Draws a perfect curve. Enjoys dark chocolate. Bangs on the drums. Always gets in the slow line. Orders from a menu. Hopes to be reincarnated. Speaks fluent Sarah Connor. Cooks tasty crack theory. Loves a good storm. Dances like a dork. Picks some locks. Tips well. Refuses to share the popcorn. Dreams about the future. Ignores the clock. Sings off key. Has a superpower. Shoots the paper bad guys. Needs some eyeliner. Goes to bed at dawn. Can't resist good smut. Quotes movie lines. Eats whipped yogurt. Lets the story tell itself. Maintains a rich fantasy life. Knows all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

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