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Some people need to be handed a loaded gun

My mom had a yard sale today and since she lives so close to me, my husband and I were recruited to help with it. You always run into interesting characters at yard sales, whether you go to them or hold one (flea markets too) — everything from snooty collectibles dealers to students to the complete underbelly of society (mostly the latter). We saw the worst of the worst today.

When a boy named Justin (who looked about 14) murders his grandparents sometime in the next few years, I hope I happen to be on that jury. I will vote to acquit him.

The spectacle started with "your idiot grandfather parked too close to the curb again."

Evil granny was in a motorized wheelchair, the front wheels of which got lodged between the curb and the edge of the elevator ramp on their van. Justin tried everything he could to free her, despite being berated for his efforts the entire time. Evil granny shrieked at Justin over and over again and yelled about her husband over and over again. He seemed to be hard of hearing (the grandfather) and Justin had to walk around the van to get grandfather to come help. I tend to think it's selective hearing loss. After much maneuvering, that included getting evil granny to stand up for a minute, they freed the chair and started the whole process over.

The second attempt to park a proper distance from the curb was also a failure and there was more yelling about stupidity. But the third time, grandfather finally got a clue and pulled in tight to the edge of the driveway. Success. The 15-minute ordeal was over and evil granny was able to get out and drive her chair around my mom's yard sale and her next door neighbor's yard sale. At my mom's house, Justin picked up a couple books and showed them to evil granny.

"I think mom would like these."

"My mother wouldn't like those," evil granny replied, with a distinct you idiot tone.

"No," said Justin, "I meant my mom."

"I wouldn't buy your mother anything."

I think that told the whole story.

As soon as they pulled out, the next door neighbor walked over and we sat around talking about them for quite a while. My husband proposed the loaded gun — that someone should've handed one to that family and let them put themselves out of their misery. We were all in agreement on that, although I think grandfather and Justin could probably manage a decent life if they just took evil granny out of the equation. I suspect, though, that Justin's patience will one day wear away and he'll snap and take them both out.


( 2 comments — Add a comment )
Sep. 21st, 2008 12:41 am (UTC)
This evil granny must be terminated.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
I suspect it's just a mater of time.
( 2 comments — Add a comment )


roxy burglar
Roxy Bisquaint

Roxy Bisquaint...

Is self-indulgent. Over thinks everything. Tweets too much. Looks really good in these jeans. Wants to eat butterscotch. Makes herself laugh. Obsesses about aging. Does some crunches. Lives with two ghosts. Procrastinates daily. Measures once, cuts twice. Hates Foo Fighters. Drinks lots of coffee (keep it coming). Puts spiders outside. Brings balance to the force. Draws a perfect curve. Enjoys dark chocolate. Bangs on the drums. Always gets in the slow line. Orders from a menu. Hopes to be reincarnated. Speaks fluent Sarah Connor. Cooks tasty crack theory. Loves a good storm. Dances like a dork. Picks some locks. Tips well. Refuses to share the popcorn. Dreams about the future. Ignores the clock. Sings off key. Has a superpower. Shoots the paper bad guys. Needs some eyeliner. Goes to bed at dawn. Can't resist good smut. Quotes movie lines. Eats whipped yogurt. Lets the story tell itself. Maintains a rich fantasy life. Knows all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

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