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With my own eyes

I saw a guy with a comb in his back pocket and a mullet.

I don't just mean a regular comb. Remember those combs with the long handles that people used to carry in their pocket as a fashion accessory? When was that, like 1980 or there about? Well he had one of those and it was sticking a good 4" out of the back pocket of his jean shorts, complimented by long socks and a muscle shirt (sans muscles).

And when I say he had a mullet, I don't mean an ordinary mullet. I'm talking full-on Billy Ray Cyrus Achy Breaky Heart mullet, the length of which was pulled neatly back in a ponytail that hung to the middle of his yellow muscle shirt (which matched his yellow muscle car, by the way). Here's the odd thing: he was using a girl's scrunchie to hold his ponytail.

How does a guy end up like that? I think there's a story there.


( 11 comments — Add a comment )
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
A story I hope to never learn. *shudders*
Aug. 9th, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
I'm just going to take a wild stab here and say he was one cool, not very bright redneck dude in high school and has changed very little since, except for the weathered look of his face and the bristly grey of his hair. The yellow muscle car (an old Mustang with a hotrod engine and loud muffler) probably replaced a primer grey Nova that for years he intended to fix up but never did.

When he got a job working construction he took his first pay check to the liquor store to get it cashed, and bought some Bud and a pack of Newports or Marlboro reds. With his second check, he bought a Ford pickup truck, which he replaced with another over the years. It has rust holes around the wheel wells but he still drives it to work. And that old primered Nova? It probably sits in some long grass behind the house. The Mustang, now his pride and joy, gets prime real estate in the garage, where he spends weekends tinkering with the engine (though he drinks more than he tinkers). And weekend nights are spent hanging out in the mall parking lot with other muscle car owners.

Aug. 9th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)

... damn you.
Aug. 10th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
Aug. 9th, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)

Impressive. Most impressive.
Aug. 10th, 2008 12:49 am (UTC)
I grew up in a hick town.
Aug. 10th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC)
Likewise, although a slightly different flavor of one, I think. Less Mustangs and mullets, more F-series pick-ups and mustaches. In Oregon. Population: less than two thousand (at the time). The high school had sheep living on the grounds and an average graduating class of about 65 kids.
Aug. 10th, 2008 09:38 am (UTC)
DING DING DING DING DING. We have a winner for having grown up in the hickest town! (That would be you).

We had a population of about 5000 and no sheep on the school grounds, though there was a small farm adjacent to the high school (also one across the street from the elementary school). Our closest shopping mall was a 45-minute drive (movie theater too). One of my best friends lived on a tobacco farm (where I once helped hang tobacco to dry), the other lived in a trailer park. When a McDonald's opened, the town held a parade. And yes there were lots of muscle cars and mullets.
Aug. 10th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
Luckily we were only 13 miles of highway from the second largest city in Oregon, so if you had a car you could get to civilization on short notice. But I took calculus and physics at the high school quite literally the only year they actually had them, and computer, art and business classes got cut for lack of money while the Agriculture program remained a force to be reckoned with.
Aug. 11th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
OMG seriously? Okay that's pretty darn hick when they don't have common classes like calculus and geometry every year. I imagine the Future Farmers of America had as strong of a presence in your high school as in mine then.
Aug. 11th, 2008 04:26 am (UTC)
They had geometry. Although at the time it was actually a combined geometry/algebra thing called Integrated Math. But the only year physics and AP calculus were options was when they had a teacher from the community college teaching there part time. Luckily, that was my senior year.

FFA? Oh, totally. I avoided it and the Ag classes like the plague, but people I know were quite heavily involved.
( 11 comments — Add a comment )


roxy burglar
Roxy Bisquaint

Roxy Bisquaint...

Is self-indulgent. Over thinks everything. Tweets too much. Looks really good in these jeans. Wants to eat butterscotch. Makes herself laugh. Obsesses about aging. Does some crunches. Lives with two ghosts. Procrastinates daily. Measures once, cuts twice. Hates Foo Fighters. Drinks lots of coffee (keep it coming). Puts spiders outside. Brings balance to the force. Draws a perfect curve. Enjoys dark chocolate. Bangs on the drums. Always gets in the slow line. Orders from a menu. Hopes to be reincarnated. Speaks fluent Sarah Connor. Cooks tasty crack theory. Loves a good storm. Dances like a dork. Picks some locks. Tips well. Refuses to share the popcorn. Dreams about the future. Ignores the clock. Sings off key. Has a superpower. Shoots the paper bad guys. Needs some eyeliner. Goes to bed at dawn. Can't resist good smut. Quotes movie lines. Eats whipped yogurt. Lets the story tell itself. Maintains a rich fantasy life. Knows all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

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