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The Bad Fic Experiment

My LJ muse cisaac is at it again — inspiring me to create. Unfortunately it's not action figures this time, it's fic. Bad fic. Really, really bad fic. But don't blame him. All he did was rattle off some things that bug him (and anyone whose IQ is above 100) about poorly written fan fiction. After reading the list, I found myself lost in the creation of the worst comment fic I could whip up (I'll freely admit it was great fun to write something so intentionally awful).

Anyway, it's now on fanfiction.net and that is actually cisaac's fault. He suggested I post it there just to see what kind of reviews it would get. I did and though the comments haven't been flowing in as rapidly as I might have hoped, they are certainly amusing. metroid13, who's in on the gag, even added a ridiculously over-the-top glowing review.

So if you care and if you dare, I present to you the worst TSCC fic you'll ever read (dear God I hope)...
John's "Brainy" Girlfreind

WARNING: This fic may contain horrendous misspellings, bad punctuation, run-on sentences, excruciatingly bad writing, an absurd necrophilia "plot" and... a punchline.



What the critics readers are saying:


Not going to lie...that was disgusting and trashy. Seek help.

--

This is soo not a T rating! Change this! The fic was kind disturbing but, the line at the end made up for it! But not enough so. I don't think this belongs in This will attract attention! Cheers!

--

I agree with [previous review], this is not a T rating. You need to change the rating. I can't think what posessed you to write necrophilia into a story. Dont want to sound abusive or flaming but it's pretty sick, and I can see people getting offended by it. The last line was kinda funny, but I dont think the rest of the story was worth it.

--

Balderdash! Have you knaves not eyes to view with nor hearts with which to feel the raw, limitless energy that is so potent in this, the tale of John and Dead Kimberly?!

To be blunt, I was of the (admittedly flawed!) belief at first that this would be yet another simple tirade of poorly written sexual liaison's and intrigue. How wrong I was. Just when the content appears to be of the generic caliber do you introduce the shocking and frankly unexpected advent of necrophilic intercourse! The action (oh, what a pun! oh ho ho ho!) continues to ramp up until the climax (OH HO HO HO!) arrives!

And then... almost as if a completion of the circle does Cameron enter the affair, only to present to the two a blunt statement with such taut emotion that I do confess I was dabbing mine eyes with a handkerchief in its aftermath!

Such vision! Such passion, I could feel it in my bones as it did radiate from the computer screen itself! Maestro, maestro, maestro!


--

Were you high when you wrote this?

--

Oh, my gosh. That was somethin' else. That last line: Pure Cameron. Catch ya on the flip side.

--

how old are you, ten? because I'm pretty sure most ten year olds could write a better story than this.

--

Just what was this pile of sick that spewed forth into the computer? I read it once a while ago and that was only quickly but after flicking through the stories again i decided to give it a second go and wanted to tear my mouse out of the computer for choosing this. Necrophilia? The complete random OC that had nothing to do but get killed and have John have sex with her? Even Cameron's barely half smile worthy end statement couldn't help this pile of I don't even know what to call it.

You must be in the ages of 11-14 at best, just found the show and are the middle of puberty so things like this was clearly funny to you and yet makes anyone and everyone that reads the story die a little on the inside. I've seen and heard of better stories being removed from the site so it could just be the fact that not a lot of people come to this fandom just yet that yours has even been left up. But if i were you i'd take it down, deleted it, delete the story on your computer and deny any knowledge about having wrote it, after that have a long hard think if it's worth writing a fan-fic again if this is the end result


--

3 words. What. The. **.
Seriously, that was the biggest pile of sick I have ever read on one of these fanfiction sites. My guess is that you are either a sick-minded teenager who would find something like this funny or you're a drug addict. Get help before you hurt somebody.


--

This is one of the Greatest Works Of Literature I have ever read. To combine
the SCC and a love story worthy of Romeo and Juliet is a thing of purest
wonder and delight.

No one has encapsulated the feelings of a male teenager, ne! - *of all
mankind* - better than this.

I have no idea who the author might be, but s/he deserves a multi-book deal,
right now this second.

I have seen The Future, and in it, jnc4eva outsells JK Rowling. By a mile.


--



Comments

( 13 comments — Add a comment )
cisaac
Sep. 12th, 2008 12:05 pm (UTC)
That story truly is so very horrible. But the one liner at the end kills me every time. Those people on ff.net just don't appreciate the latent genius that is Tonya.

Hmmm. Well, what suggestions could I give to help make this better(worse)?

1) TSCC: Weekend at Bernie's edition?
2) John explaining to Kimberley's parents how hot their daughter was and how she would have wanted it this way because they were soulmates.
3) A Mary Sue/Gary Stu character that is the only person who can really make Cameron feel and gets it on with her (I particularly hate this conceit).
4) A future fic where the humans 'just doesn't understand their love' of a Cameron who survives Judgment Day and lives with John in their underground love nest while still somehow being allowed to lead the resistance. And a John Connor who wants humans and robots to live together in a happy kumbayah world but can't thanks to that despicable Skynet. Robot equality and rights!

And the stupidity marches on and on and on...

But the worst thing I've seen, the absolute worst, was the one where it 'reveals' John was molested as a child by Todd Voight and he thinks Derek is like that too:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4527858/1/No_Trust

I mean. Seriously.




Edited at 2008-09-12 02:04 pm (UTC)
roxybisquaint
Sep. 15th, 2008 02:10 am (UTC)
OMG. I love the second idea.
I'm thinking Kimberly might have a sister. But Cameron might not like that because she's John's real soulmate (even though she doesn't have a soul).

That fic you linked to was AWFUL. It was so bad that I added a review telling that writer just the opposite. ;)

How can you reply to reviews? When you click the little talk bubble icons, it seems like it's going to PM the reviewer, not post a reply. Is that all you can do?
cisaac
Sep. 15th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Well, it's just a shitty fan fic. John can have *multiple* soul mates.

That's where the hot robot sex comes in.

Straight replies are PMs. You can make a review to your own story. Some people also write replies in the next chapter of their story. Look at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4507657/5/120_Seconds to see how it's done.
roxybisquaint
Sep. 15th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
Seems the write of that bad fic reciprocated by reviewing John's Brainy Girlfreind. I've added it to the post.
cisaac
Sep. 15th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
Ahhh. Yes, she is right. You obviously captured the pure essence of Cameron.
smacky_ff
Sep. 12th, 2008 12:14 pm (UTC)
Don't worry...It was very funny!!! Yeah, of course if you're high you'll enjoy it some more...Try it! But I wasn't and it was good...Is just fiction, Anything can happen, but the last line, Oh my...it was too much! (by too much I mean I couldn't contain my laugh, and I'm working...My boss is wondering why am I laughing, Thank you so much, damn it...) really good, write some more...
roxybisquaint
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:22 am (UTC)
I hadn't intended for it to actually end up funny - just be absurd. But then that line hit me like a punchline that turned the whole thing into like a bad joke and I totally made myself LOL. :D
nanewt011
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:24 pm (UTC)
I taut it was very funny, entetaining. Many great artists are misunderstood in their lifetime, so don't worry what the haters say.
The worse thing I saw recently was a plea from a writer at fanfic.net for people to stop writing anything but John/Cameron because anything else was icky! And RPS with Thomas and Summer, excretable!!!
roxybisquaint
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
You're right. I'm just a misunderstood artist. That's it... Yeah...

You know a good John/Cam fic might be just I need to give to those fanfic.net-ers. And by "good" John/Cam fic, I mean bad John/Cam fic. Really bad. I'll have to think on this.
(Deleted comment)
roxybisquaint
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:27 am (UTC)
I really think this was my favorite part:

And even though part of her forehead was missing, he still wanted her.
sabaceanbabe
Oct. 2nd, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
OMG! And it's *another* piece of comedy gold! That last line! And the people who left comments that thought the whole thing was fur realz! *dies laughing*
roxybisquaint
Oct. 2nd, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
I just reread it and made myself laugh again. Worst. Story. Ever. Glad you found the humor in the absurdity of it all. :D

Maybe it's time for a new chapter.
( 13 comments — Add a comment )

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roxybisquaint
Roxy Bisquaint

Roxy Bisquaint...

Is self-indulgent. Over thinks everything. Tweets too much. Looks really good in these jeans. Wants to eat butterscotch. Makes herself laugh. Obsesses about aging. Does some crunches. Lives with two ghosts. Procrastinates daily. Measures once, cuts twice. Hates Foo Fighters. Drinks lots of coffee (keep it coming). Puts spiders outside. Brings balance to the force. Draws a perfect curve. Enjoys dark chocolate. Bangs on the drums. Always gets in the slow line. Orders from a menu. Hopes to be reincarnated. Speaks fluent Sarah Connor. Cooks tasty crack theory. Loves a good storm. Dances like a dork. Picks some locks. Tips well. Refuses to share the popcorn. Dreams about the future. Ignores the clock. Sings off key. Has a superpower. Shoots the paper bad guys. Needs some eyeliner. Goes to bed at dawn. Can't resist good smut. Quotes movie lines. Eats whipped yogurt. Lets the story tell itself. Maintains a rich fantasy life. Knows all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

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